4 am
It’s 4 am in France right now and I’ve been tossing and turning in bed for the last hour trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life post France. Obviously the likely thing to do is blog about it right?
The summer before coming to France I basically finished my undergrad career. I assumed that spending one year in a foreign country would help me sort out what kind of career I’d pursue, so that once I got home I wouldn’t waste anymore time trying to figure it out. I majored in International Relations, but ironically enough politics don’t interest me as much as they should. So why did I pick International Relations? I have no idea to be honest. In some way I guess I saw myself working in an embassy, or for the United Nations, but now things have changed. I thought perfecting my french (it’s not even perfect—at all) would push me toward seeking a career abroad. I thought wrong. While being here I’ve realized how much I love California. There really is no place like home.
There have been moments in my life where I’ve contemplated moving to New York, and most recently, London. And hey, maybe someday I will…but it will be temporary. So anyway….
I don’t know what the hell I am going to do with my life!!! I’ve hit that point in my early 20’s where I have no idea what is in store for me. My hobbies are all over the place, as are my greatest passions. When I was little I dreamed of becoming an artist, as a teen I was convinced I’d major in dance, in college I had my heart set on law school (that fling lasted a year), and now I want the fashion industry. Well… let’s be realistic here. The fashion industry is probably just as hard as trying to break into the dance scene. Maybe if I didn’t spend half my days browsing fashion sites or thinking up new outfits in my head I wouldn’t have anything to fuel this seemingly unattainable career choice. I mean what would I even do? When I was 10 I started my own little jewelry business in my mom’s hair salon. I guess I could try to design? But I can’t sketch to save my life. Or I could write for a fashion magazine? No wait, I’d probably need a degree in journalism, plus a few years of writing experience. I can see myself in creative direction though. I can be highly creative when the mood strikes.
But you see… I am so utterly lost and that is why I am here. Just to get it out. Maybe that way the clouds of apprehension looming over my head could dissipate come morning. Although that’s unlikely.
I guess I’ll just go home and find a mediocre job to help me start paying off my student loans (thank you 4+ years of “public education”). All I can do now is hope that once I am home all the pieces will fall into place, but who am I kidding, that’s like saying I’d figure out my life while living in France.
So I am back to square one, although now I’m more sleepy so good night :)
P.S. Comments, advice, suggestions are very welcomed!
